I thought writing about all the evil that happened when I was 14 would be therapeutic or cathartic, but it left me feeling horrible. All last night my brain was in a fog, I was on the verge of tears that wouldn’t come, and I felt like I wasn’t getting enough oxygen. I feel like I’ve lived through it all over again.
It’s not like I’ve never talked about it before. I’ve talked about it with my husband, with a couple of my friends, and of course my counselor had me go over all this ad nauseam, probably convinced that all my problems stemmed from it, when the fact is, I had issues long before it happened. I had already as a young child been labeled socially and emotionally immature, and I was prone to sensory overload and meltdowns. What happened when I was 14 didn’t cause it. What happened when I was 14 happened to someone who already had trouble coping with everyday life.
I’m trying to think of what I need now. What will help? I don’t even know.
We’ve all had a happy ending. I did end up furthering my education (albeit not to my potential). My parents are healed. Their relationship is healed. My relationship with them is healed. I have forgiven them. I have a healthy marriage with a man who loves me and we have a peaceful, quiet life. What more could I ask for?
Why is this still so raw?
Maybe Autism Explains It All 
Thank you for writing about your experiences. It’s been very healing for me just reading your posts. Processing my own experiences is so overwhelming, especially when I’ve felt so alone in them. My own way of dealing with it is to fictionalize them by writing stories, and also just doing art. It takes my mind off things, puts me in a better place. Anyway, thank you, thank you, thank you for writing! Take care of yourself.
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I greatly appreciate your kindness and encouragement. Thank you.
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Generally when I go through something negative I like to watch videos or play games or do something that will completely distract my brain and allow me to turn it all off until it’s done processing. Some people have said that would make them worse when they finally had to face it though. I hope you find a good strategy. Maybe just try everything or focus on sensory cravings?
*preferred form of comfort*
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