Leaving a Friend Behind

Photo from Photofunia.

So what do you do when you really don’t want to be friends with someone anymore?

I don’t think I have ever taken the initiative to end a friendship in my life. Other people have stopped being friends with me, and in some cases we’ve just sort of mutually drifted apart, but I have never chosen to end a friendship.

Is it a matter of personal growth that I have reached a point where I can willfully leave someone behind? Or does it mean I’m just not as nice as I used to be?

The friend I’ve blogged about before, the one who didn’t invite me to her wedding but then sent me a really nice Christmas gift and kept messaging me like nothing ever happened, is not a positive, supportive person in my life. She talks down to me like I’m an idiot. She seems to have developed a really low tolerance for weakness and stupidity, and she sees weakness and stupidity everywhere. She once told me that people call her “the dragon lady” at work and I’m starting to see why.

I’m afraid to say anything to her at this point because she’ll just argue with me or point out some way in which she thinks I’m off base. I could probably handle her doing that once in a while. If it were 80% support and 20% correction, maybe I could live with that (I get that nobody’s going to agree with me 100% of the time or be able to honestly support everything I say or do), but it’s the other way around. I do think that a friend should be able to tell it like it is, but it’s also her general attitude that’s getting to me, like she’s exasperated and annoyed by everything that comes out of my mouth. I can’t take it anymore. I end up feeling bad almost every time I communicate with her. So it’s not even a matter of needing to forgive her for individual things she’s done to hurt me; this is an ongoing pattern of behavior.

And if I’m perfectly honest with myself, I have to admit that if she’s finding it so hard to tolerate me and the things I say and do, the friendship is probably not a positive, beneficial thing for her any more than it is for me. It is probably for the best for both of us if we can wish each other well but go our separate ways.

I’m not sure of the best way to end things with her though. After 31 years I probably owe her some kind of explanation. But I don’t want it to turn into some kind of back-and-forth accusatory thing. Usually when people have stopped being friends with me, they’ve just stopped getting in touch and not replied when I’ve gotten in touch. Perhaps that’s the way to do it, but it seems cold and wrong after so many years.



One thought on “Leaving a Friend Behind

  1. Here’s a thought: Just stop communicating, even if it feels wrong or leaves a lack of a sense of closure (…I’m guessing that’s what feels wrong about just ending contact…?) If she asks about it, she’s inviting an explanation and you can tell her how she’s a negative in your life (and right now it sounds like you’re going through enough negatives). Maybe she’ll care enough to improve and if you’re open to continuing a friendship, that’s up to you. 30 years is a long time, and you mentioned she’d married someone who sounds fairly intolerant and probably encourages those tendencies in her. Ending contact is a non-confrontational ‘edit’ if you will of something/someone that’s not good for you right now. It doesn’t have to be forever, either. Non-confrontation is a plus in that way.

    Liked by 1 person

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