My asthma has gotten so out of control in the last couple weeks that I’ve actually been scared. I had been trying to get by without using inhalers because I don’t like being on them all the time. For one thing, they’re expensive (and we have no insurance or anything that covers prescription medication) and for some reason after using them for several months they start making me gag and vomit, so it’s not a good long-term solution for me. I was fine for several months but I think the stress of my husband’s unemployment and the seeming inevitability of moving in with my parents has been making my asthma flare up again to the point where it’s worse than it’s ever been. So I have had no choice but to go back on the inhalers.
I recall reading an article somewhere that mentioned a correlation between having asthma and allergies and, on a psychological level, seeing the world as a hostile place. That is no surprise. With all my sensitivities and all the bad things that have happened to me in my life, I don’t have a particularly favourable view of this world or my life in it. Everything is so, so hard.
Right now I feel like I simply cannot move forward. I cannot face what is coming. I gave our notice to our landlord on Wednesday but I haven’t started packing yet and don’t feel like I can handle a big move like what we have to do before the month is over. But there is no choice. I can’t do it and yet I have to do it.