Right now, in our current circumstances, I need to muster up all the strength I have to get through it. But instead, my body reminds me how weak I am.
Fever, sore throat, cough, blocked sinuses, vomiting, weakness. Trouble breathing too… but then I had that before I contracted whatever this virus is. I had just gotten back on the inhalers and they were working perfectly until then, however. Now even they are not enough.
I had been feeling good about how diligent I was being with my exercise, even with how stressed out I was, but now I’ve missed two days, because I’ve been afraid that if I tried to drag myself onto the treadmill with a fever I would keel over and hurt myself.
I had also started making headway on the packing, but I haven’t done any of that in two days either.
Time seems to be going by so fast. It’s getting away from me. I can’t keep up with it.
Why am I like this? The stronger I need to be, the weaker I become. I am frustrated and even a little angry because I feel betrayed by my own body. Why can’t I just suck things up and courageously do what needs to be done like other people can? If I’m not breaking down emotionally, I’m breaking down physically. Sometimes both.